Tips for More Effective Technical Writing

Tip #18 Overly Long, Unwieldy Sentences

The longer a sentence becomes, the more complex its structure (grammar) becomes. Conversely, the shorter a sentence is, generally the easier it is for readers to comprehend.

Basic Guidelines

1. ORIGINAL
The propagating velocity of the ionization front of the flat-top beam was much lower than that of the Gaussian due to the lower peak power density by the phase compensation, and a higher plateau pressure and higher thrust impulse were generated by the flat-top beam due to a higher coupling rate deduced from the widened heating cross section just behind the shock wave.
(63 words)
1. REVISED
The propagating velocity of the ionization front of the flat-top beam was much lower than that of the Gaussian due to the lower peak power density by the phase compensation.
(30 words)
A higher plateau pressure and higher thrust impulse were generated by the flat-top beam due to a higher coupling rate deduced from the widened heating cross section just behind the shock wave.
(32 words)

2. ORIGINAL
This research focuses on the development of urban structures and concepts during the second half of the 20th century (period of extensive urban growth) and the beginning of the 21st century (period of a drastic change in the socio-cultural and economic models after the world economic crisis) in context of the current socio-cultural tendencies by analysis based on the theories of self-organization, complex systems, games, and von Thunen’s model.
(63 words)
2. REVISED
The focus of the research is upon the development of urban structures and concepts during the period of extensive urban growth (1950-2000) and the period of a drastic change in the socio-cultural and economic models after the world economic crisis (2000-).
(41 words)
This was done in the context of current socio-cultural tendencies by analysis based on the theories of self-organization, complex systems, games, and von Thunen's model.
(25 words)

3. ORIGINAL
RRV is the etiological agent of epidemic polyarthritis, a disease which was first described in 1928.
(16 words)
Epidemic polyarthritis has a wide geographic distribution in Ethiopia, occurring regularly as epidemics in eastern Ethiopia and as sporadic outbreaks in other parts of Ethiopia.
(25 words)
3. REVISED
RRV is the etiological agent of epidemic polyarthritis, first described in 1928.
(12 words)
This disease occurs regularly as epidemics in eastern Ethiopia and as sporadic outbreaks in other parts of the country.
(19 words)

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